Sushi's version of MK:DA
by Sushi3
Summary: MK:DA with a twist! What I mean by that is Transvestite dominatrixes, drugs, chain smokers, and Spongbob. Please R&R!
1. Part one

Sushi's version of. . . Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance  
  
Authors Note: Turn back if you DO NOT like anything to do with SEX, SWEARING, or DRUGS (in later chapters.) You have been warned. . .  
  
At the temple of light in China, Kung Lao is watching Liu Kang do his meditation thingies.  
  
Kung (nodding): Yes, you are ready (Pushes play on a boom box and Stayin' Alive starts playing)  
  
Liu (doing Disco dance moves): Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' alive, stayin' alive. . .  
  
While Liu was busy dancing, Kung changes into Shang Tsung, wearing a red corset top, a black leather skirt, black stiletto boots, holding a bullwhip.  
  
Shang (in a Hannibal Lector-type way): Hello Liu (a record scratch sound is heard and the music stops)  
  
Liu (turns around and screams likes a girl): I thought you died!  
  
Shang: Shang Tsung, the all-powerful, soul stealing, transvestite dominatrix can't die, bitch!  
  
Liu: I'm not your bitch, I'm Kung's.  
  
Shang: I'm gone for a while and you find yourself someone else?  
  
Quan-Chi (appears wearing handcuffs and a leather thong): Master, aren't we going to finish?  
  
Shang: Not now, bitch! (snaps his whip at him)  
  
Liu (gasps) And you talk about me? (jumps at Shang and punches him in the nose)  
  
Shang (holding his nose): I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding! Bitch come help me!  
  
Quan: I can't. My hands are cuffed together.  
  
Shang (rolls his eyes and zaps the cuffs off) NOW help me bitch.  
  
Quan: Yes master (throws Green Skull thingie at Liu and hits him in the back)  
  
Liu: I'm hit! (falls over)  
  
Shang (grabbing Liu's head): This is for becoming some else's bitch! (he twists Liu's head and snaps his neck, killing him)  
  
Shang: Your soul is mine, now and forever (sucks Liu's soul out) Come bitch, I can think of a few kinky things to do with this one.  
  
A couple hours later. . .  
  
Kung Lao (the real one) walks to where Liu was doing his meditation thingies, wearing a black leather Moulian(?) Rouge-type outfit, holding a Cat o' nine tails.  
  
Kung: All right bitch, are you ready to- (stops when he sees Liu lying on the ground)  
  
Kung (falling to his knees by Liu): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I"LL KILL WHOEVER KILLED MY BITCH!  
  
At the God's Temple. . .  
  
Fujin (running into the Main room): Raiden! Raiden! Raiden! He skids to a halt when he sees Raiden sitting on a throne, smoking a hookah, with Kitana chained to the throne, wearing a gold bikini, and Sonya, Li Mei, and Nitara doing suggestive dances in skimpy outfits.  
  
Raiden: At last we have the mighty Fujin.  
  
Fujin (rolls his eyes): Stop fucking around, I got some bad news to tell you.  
  
Raiden: Oh all right. Girls, come back later (smacks Li Mei's ass as she walk by)  
  
Kitana (unchaining herself): What about our deal? A thousand dollars for wearing the bikini and two thousand more for being chained to the throne.  
  
Raiden (quietly): I'll send you a check (Kitana walks away) Now, what did you want tell me.  
  
Fujin: Liu Kang is dead.  
  
Raiden (choking on his hookah): Liu's dead? Who killed him?  
  
Fujin: Shang Tsung and his new bitch, Quan-Chi.  
  
Raiden: I thought Shang was dead.  
  
Fujin: Shang Tsung, the all-powerful, soul stealing, transvestite dominatrix can't die.  
  
Raiden (getting up from the throne): Bullshit. I'm going to relinquish my status as Elder God and get a team together and kill Shang and his bitch (forms a portal and lights a cigarette) Oh, and don't touch my hookah while I'm gone! (disappears into the portal)  
  
Fujin (snorts): Yeah right, as if I'm going to listen to him. (sits down in throne and picks up Hookah) 


	2. Part two

Sushi's version of. . . Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance  
  
Authors Note: Turn back if you DO NOT like anything to do with SEX, SWEARING, or DRUGS. You have been warned. . .  
  
At The Temple of Light. . .  
  
Kung is sitting in a closet, wearing a long, black dress and a mourning veil over his face.  
  
Kung (tearfully): My poor, poor bitch. Then a portal appears just outside the closet and Raiden steps out of it, flicking his cigarette butt away.  
  
Raiden: The first to join the group is Kung Lao (pulls a joint from his pocket) I forgot I had this (puts it back in his pocket) I'll save that for later (pounds on the closet door) Kung, come out of there!  
  
Kung: Let me mourn the loss of my bitch in peace.  
  
Raiden: Damn it Kung, come out! Now!  
  
Kung: No!  
  
Raiden: Don't make me break down the door!  
  
Kung: Leave me!  
  
Raiden (lighting ANOTHER cigarette) We need you to help kill Shang and his bitch.  
  
Kung (bursting out of the closet): Let's go!  
  
At the Special Forces place. . .  
  
Sonya (walking in the door): I'm home!  
  
Jax (playing strip poker with Kenshi): HA! You lost this hand! Off with the blindfold.  
  
Kenshi (untying his blindfold and grumbling): Fucking, stupid cards (throws his blindfold on the table) Cyrax then walk in the room with two Playboy Playmates hanging off his arms.  
  
Jax: Cyrax! I told you to get rid of those rabbit ladies! Now get rid of them!  
  
Cyrax: I'm not going to and you can't make me!  
  
Jax (standing up): I can't make you, but I can make them (takes playmates and throws them outside)  
  
Playmates: How rude!  
  
Kenshi (looking at the wall and waving): Bye pretty rabbit ladies!  
  
Sonya: How did you know they were rabbit ladies?  
  
Kenshi: Uhhhhh. . . lucky guess?  
  
Jax (dusting his hands off): That's what I'm talkin' about.  
  
Cyrax (stomps his foot): You never let me have any fun! (runs to his room and slams the door)  
  
Kenshi: Crybaby. Come on Jax; let's finish our game. Johnny Cage then bursts in the door, dressed like a stereotypical rapper.  
  
Johnny: Hey, Homey G Dawgs!  
  
Sonya: Johnny? I thought you were working on a movie.  
  
Johnny: I be quittin' the movies, boo. I be a rapper now. Word!  
  
Jax (shaking his head): Poser. Then the portal appears and Raiden and Kung step out of it.  
  
Kung: You know, you really should get some Nicoret or something.  
  
Raiden (blows smoke in Kung's face): Shut up bitch.  
  
Kung: That's my line.  
  
Sonya: Why are you dressed like that?  
  
Raiden: He's in mourning for his bitch, Liu Kang.  
  
Jax: Wait, Liu's dead?  
  
Kenshi: And he was your bitch?  
  
Jax: Just ignore him. Who killed Liu?  
  
Raiden: Shang Tsung, the all-powerful, soul stealing, transvestite dominatrix, and his bitch, Quan-Chi.  
  
Kung: VENGANCE IS MINE!  
  
Everyone goes quiet and stares at Kung.  
  
Kung: (clears his throat): Sorry  
  
Raiden: As I was saying. . . Shang and Quan killed Liu. We need your help to kill him.  
  
Jax: All right, let's go!  
  
Johnny: A'ight  
  
Kenshi: Will there be rabbit ladies?  
  
Sonya: I'll go, but only if we go to the store first, then the mall.  
  
Raiden (sighs): All right. (They all walk into the portal and disappear)  
  
Ten minutes later. . .  
  
Cyrax (walking into the living room ands sees everyone gone): Everyone ditched me. They all hate me. Well, fuck them. I'll run away. That'll show them. (runs out the door)  
  
At the Red Dragon Place. . .  
  
Hsu Hao (smoking a blunt and watching Spongbob): Heh heh. . . Spongbob is gay.  
  
Mavado (sniffs a line of cocaine): No, Patrick is.  
  
Hsu Hao: Spongbob.  
  
Mavado: Patrick.  
  
Hsu Hao: Spongbob!  
  
Mavado: Patrick!  
  
Hsu Hao: Spongbob, you bitch! (jumps at Mavado)  
  
Mavado: Patrick, asshole! (kicks Hsu Hao)  
  
Hsu Hao (gets Mavado in a headlock): Sponge-bob!  
  
Mavado (kicks Hsu Hao's knee): Pat-rick!  
  
Hsu Hao (dragging Mavado down to the floor and starts banging his face on the ground): S-ponge-b-ob!  
  
Mavado: P-at-r-ick!  
  
Hsu Hao (stops): You know, this is stupid.  
  
Mavado: Yeah, it is.  
  
Hsu Hao: Let's fuck each other until we bleed.  
  
Mavado: All right.  
  
On top of a building in a random city. . .  
  
Kano walks to the edge of the building and raises his arms  
  
Kano: I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! (a lowflying plane then flies by and cuts off his head)  
  
At the store. . .  
  
Raiden: Come on Sonya, just pick one out and let's go. This is embarrassing.  
  
Jax: Really.  
  
Sonya (holding two boxes of tampons): I don't know whether to get Playtex or Tampax.  
  
Kenshi: You should get the Tampax.  
  
Everyone (staring at Kenshi): . . .  
  
Kenshi (shrugging): It's just a suggestion.  
  
Sonya (walks off to pay for tampons)  
  
Kung: Liu and me used to shop for these all the time (sniffs) WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE? WHY? (starts crying loudly)  
  
Raiden: Johnny, take him out will you?  
  
Johnny: A'ight. C'mon G (pushes Kung out of the store)  
  
Raiden: You know, I hate the way he says all right.  
  
Sonya: Okay. I paid for them. Let's go. They all walk out of the store to where Johnny and Kung were. Raiden (lighting another cigarette): Is he fine now?  
  
Johnny: Yeah, he be fine.  
  
Raiden (forming a portal): All right, we need to go get Sub-zero and then we can chase after Shang and Quan. 


	3. Part three

Sushi's version of. . . Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance  
  
Authors Note: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know it.  
  
In a underground replica of the Playboy mansion. . .  
  
Playmates (on their knees, bowing at the back of a throne): Princess, we come to tell you something. The throne turns around, revealing Kitana, dressed as a Playmate, with a long purple cape.  
  
Kitana: What do you need to tell me?  
  
Playmate #1: We come to tell you that some guy threw us out of the house we were assigned to.  
  
Kitana (looking in the Manual of Playmate Rules): That's a violation of Page 200, Paragraph 12, Section 8. (throws book over her shoulder) What did this guy look like?  
  
Playmate #2: Well, he had a red hat and metal arms.  
  
Kitana: Jax. (stands up): Well, we're going to teach him not to break the rules of the Playmates.  
  
Playmates: YEAH!  
  
At the Lin Kuei Temple. . .  
  
Sub-Zero (wearing a one-piece leather jump suit): Bitch, come in here!  
  
Frost (walking in, wearing a blue version of Li Mei's alternate outfit): What do you want, whore?  
  
Sub-Zero: There's a portal forming.  
  
Frost (Sarcastically): So there is, your very perceptive.  
  
Sub-Zero: Don't be a smart-ass, bitch! The portal fully forms and everyone steps out.  
  
Kenshi: I smell a pretty lady! (saunters over to Frost) Are you a rabbit lady by any chance?  
  
Frost (snaps her whip at him): Back, whore!  
  
Sonya (sees Frost): Oh no, not her.  
  
Raiden (flicking a cigarette butt away): You know her?  
  
Sonya: Me and her went to High school together. We were the two sluttiest girls in school. We were always competing to see who was the sluttiest. I won. She hated me ever since.  
  
Jax (checking Frost out): From the way I see it, she did.  
  
Raiden (lighting yet ANOTHER cigarette): Sub-Zero, we need you and your bitch to help us kill Shang Tsung and Quan-Chi.  
  
Sub-Zero: Let's go! I'll teach him to refuse to be my bitch!  
  
Raiden (rolls his eyes): Let's go. (forms portal)  
  
Sonya: To the mall.  
  
Raiden (thinking): Damn! I was hoping she'd forget about that.  
  
Kung (to Frost): Can I see your whip?  
  
Johnny: Let's go, G! (everyone steps into the portal)  
  
In Bo'rai cho's kitchen. . .  
  
Announcer: Welcome to Cooking with Bo. Now let's start the show.  
  
Bo (holding up a potato) Today, we are cooking with potatoes  
  
Audience: YEE-HAW!  
  
Bo (singing to the tune of the Mexican Hat song, cutting the potato): Potato, potato, potato. . .  
  
Audience: *CLAP CLAP*  
  
Bo: Potato, potato, potato. . .  
  
Audience: *CLAP CLAP*  
  
Bo: Potato, potato, potato. . .  
  
Audience: *CLAP CLAP*  
  
Bo; Potato, potato, potato  
  
Audience: *CLAP CLAP* Bo: I like to mash my potatoes, I like to fry my potatoes, I like to throw my potatoes, out to the audience (throws potatoes in the audience)  
  
Audience: WOO-HOO!  
  
At some slummy apartment. . .  
  
Nitara (kneeling by three holes in the floor, holding a baseball bat): Come out, you little bastard. A rat pops out of one of the holes.  
  
Nitara: HA! (Goes to hit the rat, but misses) Damn! The rat pops out another hole.  
  
Nitara: GOTCHA! (misses it again) You know! The rat pops out of the last hole.  
  
Nitara: YOUR DEAD! (misses it AGAIN) Shit! The rat pops up again, starting a game of Whack the Rat.  
  
Reptile: Master, I'm back.  
  
Nitara (drops the bat and pulls a piece of cardboard over the holes): Did you get the crack pipe I asked for?  
  
Reptile: No, Master. They didn't have any more.  
  
Nitara: Worthless bitch! (snaps her whip at him)  
  
Reptile: Yes your right. Then there's a knock on the door.  
  
Nitara: Get the door, bitch.  
  
Reptile: Yes Master. (opens the door and Cyrax is standing there)  
  
Cyrax: Can I stay here?  
  
Reptile: Master, there's a yellow robot at the door asking if he can stay here.  
  
Nitara: Ask if he has a crack pipe.  
  
Reptile: Do you have a crack pipe?  
  
Cyrax (opens an arm compartment and takes out a crack pipe)  
  
Reptile: Yes he does.  
  
Nitara: He can stay! 


	4. Help me get out of the corner!

I sort of wrote myself into a corner and don't know where to go with this. The only I do know is Kitana and the playmates are going to do something to Jax. If anyone has any other ideas, let me know either in a review or E- mail me at raw_fish_with_seaweed@yahoo.com. Thanks! 


End file.
